When you hear the expression self-awareness, how do you react? What thoughts, feelings, and emotions do you have? Take a moment to think about this.
Just answering those questions is a step towards self-awareness. A definition of self-awareness is the ability to tune in to your feelings, thoughts, and actions. Another definition is a conscious knowledge of one’s own character, feelings, desires, and motivations. Your response to these questions also communicates how open you are to having self-awareness.
For many years, I was stubbornly unwilling to explore my character, feelings, desires, and motivations because I honestly didn’t want to see what I needed to see. I felt I was generally a good person, following the rules of life, which included how I interpreted the Bible’s wisdom for my life. I judged myself by this standard, and I judged others by this standard. That was all I needed to know.
Over the years, I have explored some aspects of myself. I’ve looked at myself through the lens of several personality typologies (Myers-Briggs, DISC, StrengthsFinder). These helped me feel better about myself and build on the qualities I liked while ignoring some of the ones I didn’t. I was introduced to the Enneagram a number of years ago, and at first, I really didn’t understand it. It seemed like just another way for me to analyze others while still ignoring myself. However, during the pandemic, when I had a lot of time at home to explore this tool a bit more, I discovered way more than I expected.
I began to understand more about my internal motivations. Why do I do what I do? Why do I think and feel the way I do about myself and others? But, the biggest thing I discovered was that more self-awareness led to more awareness of the presence of God in my life, and the more aware I became of God’s presence, the more self-aware I desired to become.
The Enneagram wasn’t the only driver of this personal growth, but it was a key catalyst for the self-exploration I needed to do. I am so grateful for how God, through the Holy Spirit, illuminated the things I needed to see about me that were blocking my ability to truly see Him. Our internal motivations are often closely connected to how we perceive God. That, in turn, affects how we perceive ourselves and others as well as interact with both.
I discovered I projected my own guilt and harsh judgment of myself onto God and onto the people I encountered each day. As I realized this, my view of God changed, and my own identity changed. This has helped to change how I view and interact with others. Now, when I want to look to scripture for my direction, I clearly understand what it means to love God with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength, as well as love others as myself. Love of God has led to love of self that has led to love of others.
If you’d like to discover how your internal motivations and perceptions of yourself, God, and others are interconnected, you can contact me as a Certified Enneagram Coach and a spiritual mentor. We can explore this together.