Suzanne Bandy

Three Ways to Manage Leadership Expectations

Over the past few months, we have delved into Brené Brown’s insights on emotions as outlined in her book, Atlas of the Heart, with a specific emphasis on understanding their impact on women’s leadership. We’ve examined uncertainty and comparison. This month, we’re turning our attention to the intricate dynamics of expectations.

According to Brown, unmet expectations often give rise to a range of emotions, including disappointment, regret, discouragement, resignation, and frustration. She categorizes expectations into two main types: those that are unexamined and unexpressed, and those that are consciously acknowledged. Both types have the potential to significantly influence our leadership trajectories if left unaddressed.

To navigate this terrain effectively, consider the following steps:

Emotions and Leadership: Dealing with Uncertainty

Over the past few years I have become interested in the work of Brene Brown, a researcher and author, most known for her work on vulnerability and courage. In her most recent book, Atlas of the Heart, she digs into the realm of emotions. There she explores and describes the experiences that, in her words, “Define what it means to be human.” Over the next few months, I will share with you some of Brown’s work on emotions, specifically in relationship to leadership and our ability to lead from a place of health.

So, let’s begin with uncertainty, a part of life we can’t escape.

Self-Awareness

When you hear the expression self-awareness, how do you react? What thoughts, feelings, and emotions do you have? Take a moment to think about this.

Just answering those questions is a step towards self-awareness. A definition of self-awareness is the ability to tune in to your feelings, thoughts, and actions. Another definition is a conscious knowledge of one’s own character, feelings, desires, and motivations. Your response to these questions also communicates how open you are to having self-awareness.

Being Free

We just celebrated Independence Day, the Fourth of July, the day we celebrate our freedom. But what is freedom? How do we know we have it? How do we really experience it?

Identity

Who am I? It feels like a loaded question. My husband and I just moved to a new community. We are in the middle of meeting new people, which means we spend a lot of our time right now telling people who we are. This has been a challenging question for me. As I have become more self-aware, I realized I have been trying to build my identity on the wrong foundation.

As I’ve researched the meaning of identity, I’ve found the best definition is a true sense of self. Our identity is impacted by the unique set of characteristics that make me, me, and you, you. This includes our unique qualities, experiences, interests, genetic characteristics, and the relationships we experience in our lives. Our view of ourselves is impacted by each of these things, and how we view ourselves impacts how we interact with the rest of the world.

A Butterfly’s Journey

Finding Freedom through a bull thistle.

“I noticed the way you reacted to the death of your cousin and I can see that you are very fragile right now. I believe this move will be good for you.” These are the words of a woman that recently found out my husband and I are moving. We’ve been living in a small community in northwest Ohio for the past five years. We announced to our church this past week that we are being appointed to another church and would be moving at the end of February. We have gotten a variety of responses to this announcement but these particular words caught me off guard.

There is some truth to her statement. This move will be good for me, for us, but not because I am fragile. In fact, I think I am emotionally, mentally, and spiritually healthier than I have been in my entire adult life.

Falling Asleep

There are moments in my life, especially in the afternoon after lunch, when I find myself procrastinating on something I don’t want to do, like my bookkeeping or writing. Sometimes, it’s not just me trying to procrastinate but more a desire to ignore what may be going on inside of me instead. It’s in these moments I just want to close my eyes and let the world go by. I want to fall asleep and ignore my responsibilities and my troubles.

I can get pretty frustrated with myself in these moments. The temptation to go take a nap can be so enticing. Yet, I know if I do this, I will feel even more frustrated with myself afterwards because I wasted the time.

Recently, I was reading in Luke 22 and found I am not alone in this.

Resistance

The lights flicker and go out. A voice asks if they should call an electrician. The person on the couch responds with indifference as the lights flicker again. It’s getting worse, but, again, the two people decide they can either figure it out themselves or that maybe the problem will resolve itself. This scene I’m describing isn’t really about electricity. It’s a commercial encouraging those who are struggling with difficulties to seek help.

Healing and Righteousness

“How do you find your healing through God and Jesus? What is that like? How does it happen?” These are some of the questions I received in an email response to my last newsletter regarding loss, grief, and freedom. These are not easy questions to answer. I wish they were. We like easy. We like certainty.

Loss, Grief, and Freedom

“We have an opportunity that we’d like you to consider.” It was an unexpected call. We thought we knew what was ahead for us. We had already told the churches we were serving that we would be around for another year, but, as it often happens, we make our plans, then God changes them.

In our 30 years of marriage, my husband and I have moved eight times. Five of those times have been to a new community, a new town with new faces. At times, I have embraced the moves. It can be exciting after all. I often dream about how God might use us next or what new adventure might be ahead. Sometimes, the moves have felt more like an opportunity to run away from something I didn’t want to face, especially if I felt like things were getting too hard.

What I didn’t realize until recently is that each move has brought a certain amount of loss and grief.