“She is so bossy.” The words were a stab in my heart and a punch in my gut. These are the words my eleven-year-old self overheard from a classmate who did not know I was listening. She may not have intended for me to be hurt by them, and I’m sure she also did not intend for them to have such a significant impact on me. That was not her fault. It was the lie that my mind latched on to and has been bound by for most of my life.
I’ve known for a while that those words have held me back, particularly in my professional career. However, until I started learning more about the nine personality types described by the enneagram, I was not really sure why. God has used this tool to wake me up to the reasons that situation has so impacted my life.
If you are familiar with the enneagram types, you know that the type nine is always seeking peace and runs from anything that looks like conflict. Since I identify as a type nine, these words I overheard created an inner turmoil I have wrestled with since that day. Every time I express myself, assert some leadership (get bossy), I start to question myself and draw back for fear of alienating others or causing unnecessary conflict. This has kept me bound in an endless cycle of asserting myself, then withdrawing, fearing the loss of relationships that my “bossiness” might create. This awareness has helped me begin to break free from this cycle.
Recently, I was struck by these words in Colossians 3:
Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.
Colossians 3:12-15
As I read these words, a particular word jumped out at me, bind. As I often have lately, I looked up the word in a dictionary. Bind has several meanings. Here are a few I particularly want to share.
One definition of bind is to confine, restrain, or restrict. I certainly had been restricted by those words I overheard so long ago. Another definition is to cause to have an emotional attachment, “the emotional ties that bind us.” I most definitely had an emotional attachment to those words. The binding to these words made me dislike the girl who said them, which was a disruption to our relationship. I could not find it in me to like her because I was so hurt by her words. These were the bindings that kept me trapped in bitterness and complaining towards her. Yet, as I mentioned above, I do not believe her intent was to hurt me. I can see that now. That allows me now to forgive and have a more compassionate heart towards her and towards myself.
Another definition of bind is to protect, strengthen, or decorate by a band or binding, and to make secure by tying. This is where this word really connects to the Colossians passage. As I am set free from the words that bound me in insecurity and emotional turmoil, I find I can now put on love toward myself and toward others. This binds my life in the protection and the strength God provides as I trust in Him, not in the lies that had forever captured my mind. I am set free!
In addition, these words in Colossians have meaning for our relationship to one another. The word bind, in Greek, stands for ligaments. We know ligaments in the body hold everything together. The ligaments are part of what connects one part of the body with another. Paul’s words in this passage are a reminder that love is the ligament that “brings all of us together in harmony.” Oh, how my nine heart loves those words! Love binds us in harmony!
In light of this, be curious with yourself today. Ask yourself some questions.
Do you find yourself bound by words, thoughts, or experiences of the past? Are we bound by insecurities, shame, pride, envy, laziness, deceit, anger, slander, etc.? If so, explore why with compassion and care.
Are our ligaments or bindings strong in the love of Christ? Do we love each other with the trust and security of Christ? If there is trust in the Lord and security in Him, then we should be able to trust in each other and work together for the betterment of all.
I challenge you to explore these questions and thoughts.
Next Step
Would you like to explore these questions with a caring and compassionate coach? Someone who can listen and ask more questions to help you dig a little deeper. If so, reach out now and set up an initial consultation and discover what that might look like.